C. S. Lewis once said, “No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good.”
Seriously, having a clean heart created and a steadfast spirit renewed is no laughing matter. The more you strive to grow closer to God and the more you work to be a better person the more light is shed on the dark areas you either forgot, suppressed, or didn’t know you had.
You don’t learn humility without first recognizing pride.
I’ve had a lot of light shined on my pride this year. And though you can’t hide from God, hiding all that ugliness was exactly what I wanted to do, even if I did ask Him to point it all out to me initially.
What I’ve found is that I put a lot of weight in the areas where I rested my identity. And while I would like to have said that I put my identity in God alone, He proved me otherwise by removing or testing the areas where it was actually settled on.
I know better. Mentally I know better. I knew better. But somehow I still found myself dealing with these issues.
I put my identity in a guy. Even after promising myself I would never turn into that girl. I found my moods and self-worth depended on how I was treated or how he acted, even if his actions had nothing to do with me. One comment should not affect your entire day. When your identity is tied to a human, it will be shaken if not shattered.
I placed my identity in work, in social media, in blogging. Each notification and analytic sent bolts of serotonin straight to the brain. People like me. Care. Want to hear what I have to say. Even as I was typing all the things the Lord was teaching me, I didn’t realize how much importance I placed on the responses of people and not just obedience to God. Not only that, but there is always someone smarter, someone prettier, someone with more likes, and more feedback. Comparison is the thief of joy. And it attacks us women hard enough. Then add the pressure to feel like I need to always have something to say. Living in real life is hard enough, keeping up with the Jones’ online is impossible and detrimental to your health.
God is the only never-changing, ever-loving foundation and rock in which we can rest our identity and self-worth in. Who knows the purpose and identity of the creation better than the Creator? He is good, faithful, just, and gracious. My identity is based on His love for me and who He is. When I focus on that and the grace He extends to me on a daily basis, a more humble state of mind is a natural effect.
It is such a relief to just lay it all down at His feet and rest my identity solely on Him. He loves me where I am, yet calls me out to live a set apart and holy life- only attainable through Him. The awesome image below is provided by storyline. Link here.
So. There is that. Some of my current struggles. Have you dealt with identity issues? Pride? Do you have to learn the hard way like I do? Hopefully not. But if you have any stories or feedback please leave it below in the comments.